So I was very excited to be invited to Skibo Castle to provide hair and make up for a gorgeous client of mine. Working in the very place where Madge and Guy got married? Yeah, I’ll have some of that! The journey up there, however, wasn’t quite so glam…
I was in First Class on the sleeper train from London to Inverness but don’t be fooled by that ‘First Class’ bit. The room was like a cross between a disabled toilet and a prison cell. Yes, I admit I’ve often sneaked into the disabled loo when the queue for the Ladies is bladder-burstingly long and I’ve seen Deirdre and Gail in prison on Corrie so I know what I’m talking about. Well this had all the ‘charm’ of both but a quarter of the size.
Can they get away with calling it a sleeper train? Nah. No one sleeps, not even my friend who took ultra-powerful sleeping pills. Snoozing is impossible because to stop yourself rolling out of the bed you have to have one hand out onto the floor, with your arm locked – kinda like a human table leg – and the tiny mattress is sealed in plastic which is a recipe for a sweaty, slippy night. Not exactly Siberian goose down on a four poster…
Also, I didn’t realise until I spent the night horizontal on one, how much a train pushes and pulls in all all directions. One minute all the pressure of your weight is pushing on your neck, the next your left side, then your feet… stop, start… chunk, clunk… FOR 11 HOURS. Agony!
One great thing though – the communal toilet at the end of the carriage was always free, whether I went in the evening, the middle of the night or in the morning. Never any queues. Of course I didn’t need to go so much but it was a change from having my 8 stone forced on my neck. That said, it later dawned on me that no-one was using the public loo because there had probably been some multitasking going on with the sinks in the cabin.
I didn’t wash my face that next morning.
Finally we arrived. I bet Madonna didn’t get here like this, I thought, silently thanking God for the invention of baby wipes. But after a car ride through stunning scenery I soon felt perky again and Skibo Castle itself is a beacon of beauty, warmth and friendliness. As memories of prison cell gradually melted away in the clean air of The Highlands, I set to with my foundation, blusher and eyeliner and began creating the fairytale…